So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
