he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
