oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize