Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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