WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
