I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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