Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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