i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
