Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
