Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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