dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
