THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
