does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
