fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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