Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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