You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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