last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
