he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
