Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
