i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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