you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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