porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
