Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
