No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
