I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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