We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
