I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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