I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize