I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
