I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
