so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
