I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
