are you so shy because you have an std?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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