i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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