i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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