what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
