I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I would fuck him just for his dog
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
