dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
