maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This toilet bowl is my home.
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