Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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