I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
