This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
