i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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