So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
