why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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