that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
