I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize