dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
grandma shit on top of the toilet
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
