Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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