i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
