Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
