I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
