cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
