Sry I called you an 8
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
