i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
