I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am available for nakedness
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
