I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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