Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
