you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
