uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
