Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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