I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
