i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize