hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
