you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
