Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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