Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
